Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
