Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
