im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
