everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
