a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
