There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
