North Korea, Best Korea!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
