Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
