i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
