You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
