So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
