im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
