some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drake has all the answers
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
