1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
