So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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