First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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