My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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