i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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