I wish I could teleport
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
