I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
