I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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