Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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