it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
