I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize