wakey wakey hands off snakey
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
