I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
