I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
