I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
