So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
