One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
