i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So squirting runs in the family.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
