New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
