This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
