can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
