He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
