I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
