I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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