dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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