Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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