I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
