i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
