i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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