I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
