I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
