I puked a lego.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
