i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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