do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
