Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
