Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
