You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
