Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
