i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
how does that bad decision feel?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
