Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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