If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Floor bacon is actually really good
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
