Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
