Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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