hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
