The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
