My friends, they love my intelligence
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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