Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
