i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize