I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
