i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
