News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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