He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God I need to hump something, right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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