Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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