1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
