why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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