If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
