I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
