Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You work out of a Hotel?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
