this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
