how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
