508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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