hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
