I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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