I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
