I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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