OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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