i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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